MY PLaCe to ConFiDe…

Was chatting with a long ‘lost’ ji mui. I have repressed feelings of love for this friendship for so long. I remembered how close we used to be when we were still a primary kid, with all sorts of naïve thinking and all. I was even by her side to assure her during her very first menstruation! Thinking back, a smile crossed my face… Remember how we pillow talked. And how we toss and turned together on bed! She was a fun fren, but eventually we didn’t keep much in touch after she left to another high school. Sad right? Yea, sad.

So my thought was right. Observing back on her ‘weirdness’ and ‘awkwardness’ when I last asked bout her and her bf. She didn’t said anything, the silence alr told me ‘something’. After so long, now that she saw the display pic of me and my baby, so she was curious and we chat!! Then reveals bout my earlier thought being true.

Err… why am I talking bout this? Happy to chat with her though… =)

Just yesterday again, insomnia hits me again. The insecurity in me, guiltiness, and maybe a big pitch of stressfulness?

I don’t know. It’s getting harder and harder to sleep these nights. Just yesterday night at 3am, I was attacked with insomnia and I couldn’t take it anymore cos it’s so hard to sleep… little little things can wake me up. My ears are extra sensitive to noise and little little noise startles me. Either it’s a no quality sleep, or poor sleep. Sleep and wake, sleep and wake, sleep and wake… Somemore, so FORGETFUL these days! i just can’t remember things well… and then start blaming myself for that.

Lucky me, my Baby was with me. I was frustrated and was crying there. Situations like these often happened to me from time to time. I woke up, sat there, showing anger, my legs are kicking, and my hands are in fists.

AGAIN: This happening to me. Regressions.

“I can’t sleep! Im very irritant! I want sleep but I can’t…! Grrrrr…!!" - Lucy.

I tend to have a certain kind or regression. I was just like a baby crying over something.

My baby tries to assure me. He persuades me. Hug me. Kissed me. It all doesn’t work. I ignored all his intentions. I just have so much to think. I am very stressful. And HE KNOWS WHY.

In the end, he gave up his efforts. He lay back, and let me have my own time. He mumbles to himself. He doesn’t know what to do to me.

After I ‘tend’ to cool-off, I slept back, and start crying again. =.=" SIghz. Sorry dear… I have so much in mind. I don’t know why, but I just want to cry, so…… CRY  LO!

HE gently approached me, and with the most gentle tone of him, asked me not to sleep anymore. He leads me up, changed my clothes, and he brings me out for a ride in the cool-breezing night. We then went to Westlake and have a walk, 3AM in the morning! Then, we talked things out. And I feel better.

“If u can’t sleep, don’t force it. Come out for a walk, or jog in the morning. The cool-breeze will freshens u up. Until you are tired, then u go back to sleep” - Tim

At times, or all the time (except when we were mad at each other, but this also can be accepted), I feel gratitude to have him. He just knows how to tackle me. No matter how UGLY my act, I am still so beautiful to him. =) He’s a positive guy. And always finds way to impress me. Cook for me LA for example. And buy me the food I like. Simple things like this, touches me.

Add on to the “wong dai em kap, tai kam kap” fact, he is always so concern about my things. He remembers my time table, and wakes me up on time, and when he’s here, he’ll prepare my things as well!! How caring this guy is. I remembered one time I was in such a thirst during a lecture class. So thirsty. My throat drying out. I didn’t brought water with me cos im running late, but when I checked on my mobile inside my bag, there’s a water bottle there! Yoo-hoo!! ^^" Drink drink drink… feeling so ‘hang fook’, so ‘xin fu’!!

I believe the problem I am facing now shall be overcome, gradually. Sometimes, when I feel I don’t want to take anymore challenges, I just want to marry him and let him take care of me!!

Good idea eh??? Not bad! Lol……… ***~winks~smiles~giggleS~***

~ by cutielulu on .